My love,
how we scream
in the kitchen
side by side in the car
over dinner on the subway.
Faces redden
Voices raise You hush me,
Why are you talking so loud?
A phrase I never respond well to.
Cause I don't give a shit who hears.
Space clearly needed.
We veer in different directions
separated by a wall, a door,
sidewalks on opposite sides of the street, one heading east the other west.
My stride changes when I'm angry. My fists clench, my feet feel heavy, my mind
buzzes, questioning everything.
As if this one moment is the final straw.
As if ending this now will absolve me
from ever feeling this way again.
Then comes
a phone call
a text message
a hand extended
a note passed under the door
a tone that is cool
a willingness to speak slowly
an invitation to figure it out and come together again.
That's just how it goes
sometimes. Two individuals, together are bound to disagree.
What matters is, despite any fracture,
we always talk it through.
Poetry rocks, doesn't it?
A bit of context about this poem, I wrote it in 2022. I scribbled the first draft in a sketch pad that I used to sketch prospective pottery designs... writing comes easier to me than sketching ever did. I reflected on the lack of personal space the pandemic caused. My partner and I are lucky that we are good at spending a lot of time together, but sometimes the constant presence came at a cost.
During these moments, when friction propelled us into a disagreement, I remembered the downward spiral of my defeatist thoughts, which only perpetuated the intensity of my feelings. It's easy to down shift into the negative, to search for an 'easy' way out, to refuse to compromise, to always be right. At least, I have struggled with that.
Despite every disagreement, what's most important is to remember, these moments never last long. We always find a way to communicate and make up. Relationships are hard, they take work and that work is not always for the faint-hearted. To combat all of those toxic loopholes is the beauty of accountability.
That's what I love about poetry. The ability to transform the uncomfortable, human moments into something beautiful, almost enviable. It's way more fun to read than experience, in any case.
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